Happy New Year everyone! I’ve been in a short hiatus i know, December schedule is so crazy! I missed writing, I’ve got so much to talk about. First of, I had a pregnancy scare recently, yeah hows that for my first post in 2013 huh? Haha! I’m already late by 3 weeks, and I haven’t been delayed since I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome ) last year. My husband and I are using contraceptives so I should not be pregnant. It’s either I’m pregnant or I’m stressed or I’m having PCOS again. So anyways, I took a pregnancy test just to make sure. As I saw the first line emerged I suddenly had flashbacks of the day I took my first pregnancy test 4 years ago. “I’m not yet ready, I’m not yet ready…” that’s what my 23 year old self kept murmuring inside my head. And then there was only one line on the pregnancy test, that’s it. I felt relieved but I was actually, more disappointed.
I somehow wished that I was pregnant. I miss carrying a baby inside my womb. So all the mood swings, dizziness and changing sleeping patterns were nothing, it was all hormonal imbalance due to stress, I was just PMSing. I think I should blame stress and lack of exercise to my 3 week delayed menstruation. Argh! Frickin holidays, you supposed to be relaxing a little but no, I’ve got a lot of work than I had imagined. Things need to be rushed before the year ends and its driving me nuts! (Okay breathe..) I’m not complaining, it’s just that I’m not really a fan of this year ender holidays.
So anyways, guess what, I finally had my period the day after I had my pregnancy test. I kept on saying to myself that it’s ok; baby no. 2 will come my way, just not today (it even rhymes!). Everyone in my Facebook friends are all having their second or third babies, I admit, I’m a bit jealous. But if we have to do it the second time around, everything should be right and everyone should be ready, we should be ready, including the grandparents.
I was happy when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, well actually I was shocked at first. It didn’t sink in it right away like “Wow I’m so excited to change diapers and be a mom” it’s more of “I am so dead! Are you kidding me?! I’m not frickin ready yet!” I became happy eventually when I finally accepted my pregnancy. But it wasn’t really a happy pregnancy to tell you the truth. It’s like I’m having a “series of unfortunate events”. I was put in tumultuous stressful circumstances back then, I even got hospitalized when I was 8 months pregnant due to stress, I almost lost Yuri and my parents didn’t know about it. I don’t want to go through all that fiasco and be miserable again.
This is why I vowed to myself, if I’m going to have a second baby, everything should be in the right places, everyone should be in favor and excited of me having another brood to the family. I actually have a list in my head (yes, a list as always), if they are all checked then, it’s definitely a go sign for baby number 2. Not to divulge everything on my imaginary list but just to give you a little hint, one of it includes something like, “mama should be fit enough to have another baby”. And having delayed menstruation is not a good sign. Operation healthy sexy mama is still a working progress. Frickin long process I know, but we’ll get there soon. There goes my irrational sense of optimism again..
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